I had my daughter when I was 17 and we had hard times, including her see me get beat down by her bio dad many times. She also witnessed me have a postpartum depression breakdown in which I nearly killed her baby brother and I lost custody of him for a while. and then less than a year after that, we got evicted from our apt so I had to send her and brother to my folks for a whole summer. So it took many years of stability afterward for her to trust in me and feel safe in her childhood. initially she seemed ok, I had got her counseling way early for the stuff with her bio dad, but when she was a young teen she did express negative emotions about early situations in her childhood…and I was ok with it. but it was hard at first not to take it personally and not to get all martyr-ish about it. I had to be supportive of her feelings and let her know she was right to feel the way she did. because in truth, her early childhood was a grim situation, denying that would help neither of us.
When your child has negative feelings about your, it’s helpful to let them know their feelings are valid and you will hear them out; let them express themselves.
My daughter is grown now and on her own and she and I have a close, warm bond. She just had to work through her feelings during that age period, I would say by 15, 16 she was over it. My daughter…is a very kind person so I feel it hurt her spirit to have to say those things to me, so I know she must have deeply needed to say it, to express her feelings so she could move forward. She needed to feel safe in telling me that. Now she’s proud of me as a mother, she tells me often she thinks I am a good mother and I’m a doing a good job with her brothers.
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- I'm Trula and this is my mommy blog. Being the mother to these children has been one of the most beautiful things to happen to me. Trula Kids, formerly Mama Specific Productions, is part of the MSPmedia network ©2002-2011 All Rights Reserved
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Thanks for sharing this. I’m dealing with a similar situation with my son, who is struggling with the psychological damage done by his father’s lack of involvement and hurtful words. I often say that we should attribute all the successes of our children to God and ask the kids forgiveness for our goofups. I’m glad to hear that your relationship has improved.
I’m confident that the Lord will heal my son of the damage caused by his father and my failure to protect him from him…just have to take it day by day.
You are so welcome! It will take time…but it is so hard to go through because you see your child is hurting. and they don’t know, children and teens just don’t know! how very powerful their words can be to a mother. how they can wound us. But we are the adults so have to be patient and allow them the space to safely express their feelings to us. day by day is all we can do. best wishes with your son EvesDilemma, I know it’s a hard thing to go through.