I saw this question on a mama board I frequent:

Parents with two or more kids…what do you think about your family members wanting to take only one of your children at a time in order to spend time with them? do you allow relatives to regularly (I’m not talking every once in a while, I’m talking on a regular basis) take one kid and not the other? or do you feel like that would (or has) created an issue with your kids so don’t allow it?

my answer:

There are years between each of my kids and they each have distinct areas of interest, so it hasn’t caused any issues, because the one-on-one situations are generally age-specific or interest-specific things.

There are 5 years between my oldest and second, and 8 years between my oldest and third child. So for example when my sons were babies/toddlers/preschoolers, they would not have been able to handle a leisurely long afternoon at the mall or going to a show. Sometimes my mother-in-law would take just my daughter to do stuff like that. Another example, my daughter is big into fashion design and so likes fabric stores and knitting stores, craft stores, etc. My sister-in-law got into knitting a few years ago, so she would take my daughter to places like that but not my sons because they have no interest in it. Or my son S-bop, he really likes sports, football and basketball especially. Sometimes one of my husband’s uncles who has season passes/tickets and can’t go to a game, so he gives his free tickets to Mercury Man and/or my father-in-law. They’ll take just S-bop but not T-bop because he just doesn’t like sports all that much. Another example, T-bop likes art & music stuff, so my in-laws would take just him to a gallery opening but not S-bop because he just doesn’t like that all that much.

I’m not a scorekeeper but honestly, it all evens out. Keep in mind that as your kids get older, in the teen years, there is less chance for one-on one interaction with relatives because of the teen’s school/work/extracurricular/socializing with friends schedules, but that doesn’t mean the relative loves one child more just because they are able to see them more, or that your older child will feel slighted because the younger ones get to spend more one-on-one time with the relatives.

One thing I regret is that when my boys were small, when I was stuck on seeing every intention of my mother-in-law’s toward my kids as antagonistic to me or whatever, I prevented her many times from spending one-on-one time with them. I was all No you have to take them both blah blah blah. Sometimes she would just be trying to help me out! Like she’d drop by and say, I know it’s T-bop’s nap time, but I was wondering if I could take S-bop with me to (wherever). Instead of thinking Oh joy! I get a few free hours to myself while T-bop naps and S-bop is gone with her, I’d get all salty and turn it into her showing favoritism or some other crap. and it didn’t matter which boy, T-bop is her only biological grandchild but she treats them all the same. for example another time she might have wanted to take T-bop somewhere when S-bop was in school. No matter which son I’d turn it into her showing favoritism. gah, I was too simple for words. but eventually I relaxed on this, and it has been of big benefit to my children.
This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Trula Kids!

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