I got a question via email from a reader who wrote that he was raised by a feminist but he still does not understand feminism and struggles in his interactions with women. He questions what is his place as a man in feminism and wonders should he just give up and find a woman who is not ‘aware’ or interested in feminism, especially because he wanted a traditional marriage and family life i.e a wife and mother for his kids who did not work outside the home.

The sons of feminist women may have an advantage over other men in understanding sexism, and also may be better able to relate to women i.e treat them decently. However they are not raised in a bubble just because their mother was/is a feminist. They get the same messages about women, masculinity, etc. as everyone else and are as deeply influenced on male and female roles and responsibilities and expectations from infancy on.

I also think there is a lot of confusion surrounding this because the role of women is changing and many man don’t know how to engage with women in any way that won’t be construed as being oppressive, sexist, and/or showing their male privilege. For example, just wanting a traditional marriage or relationship invokes feelings of shame or guilt. I wrote back to this man that feminists do not have monolithic thinking. He did not have to reject feminists as potential mates because he desired a stay-home mother for his kids, as there are feminists who want to stay home with their kids rather than work outside the home. What he needed to be concerned about was helping to make his future marriage equitable regardless of the economic set-up of his household.

A lot of people do not understand what this means, having never seen this type of marriage before. This is a challenge for womanists/feminists raising sons. We must strive to show our sons how to live with women and interact with them as equals. This is very hard to do. I have found raising sons to be illuminating because it brought to glaring light my own internalized sexist thinking. It forced me to think of how what I do today in regards to raising them may affect how they interact with women in the future. I also had to learn ways to express/show/teach them without denying or suppressing their masculinity.

What are your thoughts and experiences with this? What do you think about the sons of feminist women?

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Trula Kids!

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