In my experience, YES

I have 3 children. Oldest, Middle, Youngest. When my kids were small I scoffed at birth order and was determined to parent them all the same. Now they are ages 19, 13, and 10, and somewhere along the way I realized I lost my drive to parent them ‘the same’. It’s impossible, so I re-set my goals to parent each child, to respond to each child in the ways they each individually needed. I also tried to be aware of how their birth order might affect their personalities and perception of themselves. It still came as a shock to me to read up on birth order recently and see how each of my children fit so neatly into those roles.

Oldest
The oldest is often the leader and a “good citizen,” responsible and responsive to the parents’ expectations. Oldest children are typically well organized, precise, and prone to perfectionism. Yes, this is my daughter I-bop. From a very young age she has shown emotional maturity beyond her years and consistently sets and reaches her goals. She is a leader among her siblings, with her friends, and in work situations. People remark all the time how good she is, how responsible she is to be so young. She’s always been this way.

Middle
Middle children have less of a clear-cut role in the family; instead, they often make a place for themselves outside the family, creating a network of close friends, venturing away from the family physically, and breaking the mold intellectually as well. Middle children often take on the role of mediator and peacemaker. Yes, this is my son S-bop. He is known for breaking up fights among his friends and often settles disputes among himself and sister and brother. In discussions he tends to take on ideas that diverge from some of our family beliefs. He is very gregarious and makes friends the easiest of my children.

Youngest
Youngest children tend to take on the “baby” role: easygoing and spontaneous, used to being noticed and fussed over, charming and sometimes manipulative. Youngest children tend to be very creative and to work in the arts as adults. Yes, this is my son T-bop. He is known for being easy-going and laid-back, and teachers always call him ‘charming’ and ‘delightful’. He is also very artistic, having participated in art fairs and draws on a nearly daily basis.

Some things I notice that I did and I stopped: I stopped referring to my sons as ‘my oldest son’ and my ‘youngest son’; instead I generally refer to them by name. I stopped expecting my daughter to take on responsibility for things and urged her to be more spontaneous and carefree about life.

Some things I do that I’m going to stop: all my kids are ‘my babies’ but with T-bop I still call him/introduce him as my baby, my youngest. It just occurred to me I do that. I also tend to let him slack off way more than either I-bop or S-bop at his age. With I-bop she’s always been so responsible, I tend to assume a lot of her and perhaps I’m contributing to/causing her to take on too much at a young age. With S-bop I tend to treat him as somewhat irresponsible, so perhaps I am not requiring out of him what he is in fact capable.

I’m also going to increase the amount of time I spend alone with each child, taking them out alone. I have slacked on that this past year. I have noticed before that when they are by themselves, their personality really shines through and they don’t act the big sister or the middle brother or the baby of the family; they are just them.

More on birth order and personality

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting Mama Specific Productions!

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