I have been with Mercury Man 11 years, married for 8, and I have been through the war with his mother and back. We have both undergone a lot growth and maturity so that has helped a great deal. Here are some things that helped me and might help you is you are having issues with your mother-in-law:

1. I realized I was responsible for my response to her and it was on me to change. Most people just become more of what they are as they get older, so as you are much younger than she is you have the advantage of being more flexible and open to change than she does. She can change, it’s just a whole lot harder and painful than it will be for you. So don’t wait on her and expect her to change. You can control how she affects you though…you do not have to let her get under your skin.

2. I realized that Mercury Man needed to talk to her about respecting our home, our parenting, our relationship. You can look in any marriage/relationship book, talk to any counselor. Most will tell you that in any in-law problem the child of the in-law has to be the one to say something to the in-law. Once he did this, and repeatedly did it, it helped ease tension between he and I over his mother and me and her tremendously.

3. Take her seriously when she says wacky things to you. When she says she feels sorry for you that you can’t keep a clean house, try saying I know! I really struggle with housecleaning. I see how you keep your home and it’s lovely. Will you please give me some housecleaning tips? She will be so surprised and overjoyed, let me tell you. When Mercury Man and I got together and my MIL said something similar to me like being sorry I couldn’t cook, I got pissed, I saw red, all that. Then after a few years I asked her for some cooking tips and a few recipes, and made a point of telling her I cooked them and the kids and Mercury Man loved them. She has never once since then made a comment about me not being able to cook. I even think if I were to ask her, she probably wouldn’t even remember every saying anything rude to me like that. But I remember because it hurt my feelings so bad and I chose to fixate on it rather than letting it go or not take it personally.

4. Develop a sense of humor about her. I discovered the show Everybody Loves Raymond a few years ago (when it had been in syndication for years, I hardly every watch TV so I thought it was a new show ha!) and it is one of my favorite shows because the relationship between the wife and her MIL mirrored my own in so many ways. There is this one episode where the husband’s mom took up sculpting, and she made this large abstract that looked like a coochie and gave it to her son and his wife!! So anytime your MIL gets on your nerves…tell yourself at least she’s not giving a statue of her personals to ya’ll, LOL

Here’s a good site to vent/laugh about MILS:
http://www.motherinlawstories.com/

5. Last but most important…appreciate her for who she is and how important she is in your life. Without her you wouldn’t have your husband, or child! This is the woman that gave birth to your man, and whatever her flaws are she love him and just wants the best for him. And try not to be jealous of her relationship with your kids. Having a loving relationship with grandparents is very beneficial to children.

That said, you and your husband certainly can set boundaries for her as far as the level of interaction you want her to have with your kids, and require her to respect your home and family.

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