This question is for anyone with a SO but in particular for women who are legally partnered with a man. Do you ask your husband for jewelry as a gift?

I was talking with another mom I slightly know earlier this morning at one of the kids’ school and she asked me what Brian was getting me for christmas; what did I ask him for. I told her some fuzzy pink house slippers, 2 jars of essential oil (peppermint and orange), and a new ipod shuffle (the battery on mine died and a new battery is about the cost of a whole new one! and the new ones are smaller and cuter anyway). She blinked hard a few times and said Oh. Then she was all, Your husband gets off cheap, huh? So I said what do you mean?

and she told me that she asked her husband for 2 gold rings, a new bracelet with diamonds, a couple of gold chains, and some diamond earrings. I blinked hard a few times and said Wow. She then went on to tell me that she always asks for jewelry for her birthday, anniversary, and christmas, up to $5,000 worth at a time but no less than a grand’s worth, ever. I only know this woman slightly from seeing her around the schools and the grocery store and what not, but she is never iced out. The times I have seen her she had on her wedding ring and occassionally small diamond studs, so I was really surprised to hear she was into jewelry like that.

Then she explained that she didn’t want it all to wear, but as an investment or as insurance for herself if they ever divorced or he died without keeping up his life insurance!! and that out of whatever money he gave her for the household, she saved a portion of it in her own bank account. Now her husband is rich, he makes a little over 100k a year she told me, ok, but gives her about a grand every month for the household (she does not work outside the home). She has to pay all their household bills except for the mortgage out of that, including everything for the kids and her car. They have been married 15 years and she has managed to save about $1,000 a year, or one month’s worth of household expense money. With interest she has close to $19,000 in her personal IRA. I was impressed by that, I’ll admit it. Brian and I have been together 10 years and legally married for 7, and what I have in my personal savings is…let’s just say it’s about enough to keep the account open.

So we had an interesting and lively discussion. I asked her if it didn’t bother her, doing things this way, and she said No because she does not get paid for what she does nor is there any guarantee that should she or her husband decide to end their marriage that she would be financially secure, and this is the only way she can be a stay-home mom without stressing over her lost income and retirement money. I asked her why she didn’t just ask her husband for money as opposed to jewelry and then just bank it so it could earn interest, and she said she tried that and her husband took it as her doubting their relationship. She seemed surprised at my surprise, and told me this sort of thing is common practice among wives and the #1 reason women ask men for jewelry. She then told me that since Brian is a teacher and makes less than half what her husband does and we have debt to clear up, I should start set my bar at a $1,000 max but no less than $200 at a time when asking for jewelry.

LOL! I think if I asked Brian for jewelry like that he would say, Who are you and what have you done with my wife?! He would be so puzzled, LOL, because he knows I am not materialistic like that. I am going to share this conversation with him though. This gave me much food for thought about thinking how I should be protecting myself financially. Brian does keep up our life insurance policies (his is paid automatically via his job out of his paycheck through the teacher’s union, mine is private and paid twice a year) and we both put the bulk of our incomes into the household pot, but I would like to have an emergency pot of my own. I am not too enthused about the idea of asking him to buy me jewelry for this purpose, but I just may start buying jewelry for myself. Or do a better job of setting aside a little savings every month.

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