We talk about frequently ways to empower our little girls and teen daughters so that they can avoid or deal with domestic violence if it happens to them. But what can we do as mothers to help our sons avoid becoming future batterers?

It has long been known that the #1 factor in a boy becoming a batterer as an adult man is having been raised in a home where he witnessed his mother being battered. So one thing as mothers we can do is not raise our children in homes where we are being abused if at all possible.

Another thing I have done was to stress to my sons from very early ages that they are not to hit girls, ever. Period, end of story. I also have told them not to play rough with girls or to wrestle with girls. So far this has not caused any conflict with them having friends who are girls, and they play nicely with the younger girl cousins in our family and the daughters of my friends. I used to worry that maybe I overdid it because when they were younger they seemed to think that girls were fragile, but after being in co-ed schools with girls they have learned this is not the case.

I am glad I stressed this with them because now that my older son is in middle school and issues came up with some girls (one was this girl on our street liked him and felt he rejected her so she hit him), he knew to walk away rather than hit her back. Of course I want my sons to choose to walk away rather than fight a boy but I could understand how it might happen or why they might feel compelled to defend themselves. With girls, I don’t ever want them to respond back with hitting. I want to have this instilled in them before they reach adulthood so that if and when they have girlfriends and wives they know to walk away no matter what she does.

With my younger son, he invited 4 girls to his recent birthday party but only one was able to come. The rest of his party was boys (10 of them! I had all those little boys running around, it was wild LOL!!). She played with the boys a little but after they started getting really rambunctious she pulled aside. T-bop came and sat with her and played and talked with her, and after we re-directed the boys to another activity and they were still trying to get her to play tag (which involved smacking and flinging each other on the ground much to their glee) t-bop told the other boys to leave her be. She was a good sport, she did one fling or 2 but then wanted to stop.

I hope when they are grown they never have the impulse to hit a woman, and if they do I hope they never act on it. Brian and I have explained to them that generally speaking most men have 3 times the upper body strength of most women, and that is why it is wrong to hit a woman, because it is an unfair fight; men have the advantage. Brian stresses to them that as men they should use their strength to protect women and children, not abuse women and children.

What do you think? Is this something you talk to your sons about or plan to talk to them about? What do you say or plan to say? If you have experienced domestic violence, will you share that with them?

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