Ok so there was this site with a 50s poster with all this crazy primitive stuff like don’t question your man on it. But in all seriousness, in your opinion what constitutes a good wife? I do not mean to exclude anyone who is not married, those of you who are single/not married I am sure you also have an opinion on this so please join in.
I am very irritated with my husband much these days, and this feeling is exacerbated by the fact that he is trying so hard, he is working really hard on himself and our relationship. But he just doesn’t get what are to me fundamental ways of relating to the world, to other people, let alone me. Our marriage counselor is on vacation, so not getting to see her every week has me on edge. I am very quiet around Brian now, because I felt that the less I said the less he would say and thus the less chance for him to get on my last nerves. However, he is really trying to change and one of the things he is working on is being more open and verbal…so he is talking more. I suppose one of the things that makes a good wife is learning how to really listen to my husband.
Here is what I think makes a good wife. I am really struggling to do these things in my current state of mind…it’s funny how it’s so easy for me to do these things when I am all googly-eyed over Brian.Warning in advance I have some traditional views. It’s ok if you don’t agree with them. A good wife:
Listens to and is supportive of her husband
Is nice to husband; smiles at and touches him frequently
Does not hold grudges/past arguments against her husband
Is a fun friend to her husband
Maintains a clean and pleasant home
Cooks well and organizes meals and food shopping
Good with money/budgeting and if working a job/business, contributes money to the household
Maintains physical appearance, makes a daily effort to look cute/hot in ways husband finds appealing
Does not yell, verbally abuse or physically her husband
Tries new activities, makes an effort to learn about or like husband’s interests/hobbies
Has friends and interests/hobbies of her own, does not cling to husband as sole friend
Respects husband’s family ties
Makes an effort to spend quality alone time with husband (not counting sex)
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12 Responses to To Be A Good Wife…Seriously
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- I'm Trula and this is my mommy blog. Being the mother to these children has been one of the most beautiful things to happen to me. Trula Kids, formerly Mama Specific Productions, is part of the MSPmedia network ©2002-2011 All Rights Reserved
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this is THE list. comprehensive and and yet so simple. I think the thing that keeps us from doing so many of these things, much of the time, is pride. pity.
A good wife…
Develops her sense of self and allows that to be different from what her husband may want/need.
Appreciates what her husband does with/for her and gives him time to change what needs to be change
Is vulnerable with her husband
Accepts the time needed for her husband to grow/change – is patient
Is present in conversation and contributes her opinions
Shows affection towards her husband
Shows compassion towards her husband
Understands that, just like with friends, she can only expect so much attention from her husband
Allows herself time alone without guilt
Is constantly aware of her own needs and lets them be known but accepts when they can’t be met by her husband
Cleans when she feels like it
Cooks when she feels like it
Goes out with her husband when they both feel like it
Remembers that her husband needs to develop his own sense of self that may be different from what she wants/needs
Accepts idiosyncrasies without trying to change them
Accepts that her husband may communicate differently than she does and instead of always fighting to change him she meets him half way and learns to change what she expects. This also means learning how to listen when he is communicating. This is assuming that the relationship is a non-abusive one.
When it comes to communication with Hal, I have found that he changes when I make an effort to change and visa versa. It is easier to change ourselves than to get change from another. When we change the way we listen/communicate because it is within our power to do that, our partner whom loves us and wants so badly to make things work, will find their own means of transformation to accommodate us as well as suit them.
Now, I’m talking without knowing what your specific situation is and projecting my own life into it so I understand if what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you and yours.
I like your list, too. It would be an ideal to try to live up to, but tough to be 100% of those things 100% of the time.
If you ask my husband what makes a good wife he’d probably joke and say, “One who is naked holding a six pack when I get home from work.” But honestly, I think that being able to realize when you need to take the lead and when you need to let him take the lead is a big part of being a good wife.
My husband and I always seem to fight about the simplest things because:
A) I stuck my nose where it didn’t belong and got involved and made suggestions when he was doing just fine on his own.
or
B) I didn’t tell him what I really wanted done and how to do it and he’s not a mindreader, ya know. So, I should have told him if I wanted it done a certain way.
And they say women are complicated.
i like ur list!
thanks ya’ll!
beingmamadaily, I think you hit the nail on the head. a lot of women have too much pride, feel it is beneath them to be humble, beneath them to try to support their husband in these ways. It is a pity.
Wait! Your husband talks to you about life/stuff and THAT gets on your last nerve?
Puh-lease have some mercy on the majority of us women who have husbands who never talk about the relationship or their feelings and make sure that it turns into a fight if we try to.
I know a zillion (overstated) women with this problema and one, you, with the “just need to listen to him better” problem.
As for taking interest in his hobbies, in the real world out here their hobbies exclude us whether we have an interest or not.
A good wife ,knows how to let her man answer questions others may ask of him. A good wife will not get up and try to start something with a female co-worker who was just saying hello to her Man….
I was at a social gathering tonight ,ran into an old co worker of mine,(did not want to be rude)said hello,wife jumps up in my face. Sorry time to go, thank you very much rude people,I have no time for wife’s that cling to there husband’s. Good Riddance ,young one.Keep acting like that , and your man will split!!!!
baa2you, I just saw your comment, my bad. I wonder why my post makes you angry…I am just trying to be a better wife to my husband. We almost divorced in 2002 and have come a long way since then. Am I wrong for trying to improve my participation in it even further? No, I am not.
On the hobbies, I also think it is perfectly fine for a husband to have hobbies and interests that his wife is not interested in. if she feels excluded by that, then perhaps she should learn to develop hobbies and interests of her own rather than be jealous of her husband’s personal growth as a person.
You sound like you really, really, really need marriage counseling. And suggest that to the other frustrated wives you know as well. Counseling really helped my marriage.
Anonymous, that is so ridiculous that someone would act like that. Sounds like they have severe jealousy issues. You did the right thing by walking away from that mess.
Unfortunately, being a good wife isn’t limited to things like being a fun companion, being pretty, or being affectionate. These are nice “bonuses”, but what really makes the relationship go is trust, communication, and commitment. Without those qualities, no relationship stands a chance.
That is so true, anonymous! I wrote this with the assumption that others reading this would already understand the basics of being a good spouse. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that my list was a limit on what it meant to be a good wife.
I think if someone doesn’t already know that trust, communication, and commitment are necessary then they would have very little interest in being a good wife.
I have mentioned many times on this blog how my husband and I almost divorced in 2002. We have been through the trenches and back, and after being together 11 years and married for 8 we now have a solid relationship.
and I have to disagree with you, I don’t think things like being fun, attractive, or affectionate are icings on the cake, at all. Think about it, who wants to be committed to somebody who’s no fun, makes no effort to be attractive, and is not affectionate in the first place?!? Not me, and not most people.
When people are trying to get somebody to partner with they make an effort to put their best foot forward usually. I think it’s important to keep putting your best foot forward, keep trying to improve yourself and your relationship if you want it to last. I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect someone to want to stay committed to you if you are stagnant, no fun, walk around looking a mess, and not showing affection and attention to your partner.
I know that I am way behind on this topic, but just wanted to comment anyway because I think this is something that women, especially black women really need to talk about. I, too, am a traditional woman. I am a stay at home mom and certainly try to meet all the criteria on Trula’s list. I’m a little behind in the housekeeping department, but hey, we all have our shortcomings!
The point is, to be a good wife is to support your husband in as many ways possible. Keep your pride down (I follow the Bible – be humble w/husband). Certainly he is not always right, but there are ways to get your point across w/out being loud, abusive or uncouth. Being a wife, a good wife, is an art form and a woman has to work hard at it.