My father has prostate cancer. I found out last week. I am devastated. My father is a wonderful parent, friend, and mentor. I feel very scared and alone, almost as if I were a child dealing with such news. but I guess one is always a child to one’s parents, and always feels a primary connection.
At any rate, as one of my brothers pointed out to me, he is still very much alive and doing well, so we should concentrate on his being alive and helping him with his recovery. And as one of my sisters pointed out, our father is very strong and comes from long-lived, healthy stock. Another of my sisters is a R.N and so can help my mom and dad talk with the doctors and stuff and she is keeping track of his medications and treatment plan. This was very helpful for me to hear, but still, this news has me reeling. My siblings are trying to be strong but everyone looks and sounds so shocked. When we were children our father was like a mighty tree…I guess we always expected him to somehow stay this way forever.
Part of why I initially felt so distraught was because I had confused prostate cancer with colon cancer, and all I knew of colon cancer before this was that it is quick-spreading and often fatal if not caught early. All I could think of was husband of news anchor Katie Couric, who died of it soon after diagnosis; leaving her a young widow with small children. Prostrate cancer is usually caught early and the cure rate for prostate cancer is very high—nearly 100% of men diagnosed at this stage will be disease-free after five years. So I feel very much relieved. My mother tried to tell me this but I had this immediate block from comprehending any information when I first talked with her…it was like I went deaf after hearing the words, “Your father has prostate cancer”. A part of me fled at hearing that, and I threw up this mental wall.
I was finally able to tell my children, all of whom are very close to their grandfather. They were stunned at the news but remain hopeful. My husband, who lost an aunt to breast cancer, was also deeply saddened but confident that my dad will beat this. Learning more about prostate cancer has helped to ease my mind so that I can be a good daughter to my dad during this time. The most compelling thing I have learned so far is that there is no one treatment to this disease. Treatment plans include:
Active Surveillance
Prostatectomy (Surgery)
Radiation Therapy
Hormone Therapy
Chemotherapy
Emerging Therapies
My dad has chosen radiation therapy and chemotherapy, which has already started. I spoke with him yesterday and one of the effects of the drugs is that it causes him to have less control over his facial muscles, so he had trouble speaking after awhile. But he sounded good and enjoyed speaking with the kids. He has such a strong spirit and will to live, it deeply bouyed my spirits. We are going to go down there this weekend to visit with him, and I can’t wait. Please send my father and family your well-wishes, vibes and prayers. I can’t stop crying.
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14 Responses to My Dad has Cancer
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- I'm Trula and this is my mommy blog. Being the mother to these children has been one of the most beautiful things to happen to me. Trula Kids, formerly Mama Specific Productions, is part of the MSPmedia network ©2002-2011 All Rights Reserved
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Trula. I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you and yours……..
Hey, Trula, you and your dad and family have my warmest thoughts and prayers and all the good vibes I can send your way.
Prostate cancer is really common– if I’m recalling correctly, virtually all men get it eventually as they age. I’ve known or known of several men who have had it, have been treated, and are doing well now.
I know just what you mean about your dad being like a tree to you– my dad, too. A couple of years ago, my dad had a stroke and then began having a heart attack. He has an enlarged heart and a pacemaker so this was so scary. But there is a medication they can give stroke victims now that, if they give it within three hours, will reverse any damage. My dad was at first paralyzed on his left side, but the medicine worked and he’s more than fine now, actually, better than he was before the stroke, seems like. But he is nearing 80, so, tree is losing it’s leaves a bit? I try to make sure I see him as often as I can and every time I do, I try to be so present in every moment.
Well, I’m thinking of you.
Heart
*hugs*
And you are correct, as old as we get, our parents are still our parents and in a way we’re always kids. When my mom was sick and then died, I felt like I was 8 years old, lost and lonely.
Sounds like your dad has a great support system and hopefully the Goddess will heal him soon.
Trula:
I’m a Registered Nurse and just want to share with you that over the years I’ve cared for countless African American men who have survived prostate cancer and are living healthy, normal lives. The key is detection and diagnosis which your father has had. I just took care of a patient the other night who was a seven year survivor and was in the hospital for something totally unrelated.
Cry, of course, but also know that medicine has come a long way and there are many, many men who survive it and live healthy lives. Encourage your dad to eat nutritious foods, high in antioxidants (tomatoes are high in lycopene and good for prostate) and get plenty of rest — that is just as important as the chemo and the radiation. Pray and think healing thoughts. Visualize your father well and happy, surrounded the love of you and your family.
In peace,
ANGEL
I am saying prayers and thinking thoughts around complete healing. Trula, rest your head as well and know that faith is a most powerful medicine.
Trula, your dad, you and your family will be in my prayers. It is so true that faith is the most powerful medicine.
for your kind words. You have no idea how helpful your well wishes are to me. I cried and cried when I read your posts, and I printed this out. Thank you so much.
I am trying not to freak out about this but I think his cancer is advanced and he and my mom are telling us it got caught early so as not to worry us. Because why is he taking chemotherapy unless it’s advanced? According to everything I have read chemotherapy does not cure prostrate cancer at all and they don’t even use it unless the cancer is advanced; it’s only use is to alleviate symptoms. and when prostrate cancer is advanced then it’s spread to other places in the body. The survival rate is drastically less once the cancer is advanced. Plus they started treatment right away, which also makes me think it’s advanced. He’s already had a round of radiation and is on the chemo drugs, why would they do that right away unless it’s advanced?
I was a total wreck yesterday after reading up on chemo and stuff. Brian told me to call my sister who is a nurse and ask her what stage of cancer my dad is in, exactly. I couldn’t reach her but I did talk to my mom, who told me she and my dad are seeing the oncologist today and she would be better able to tell me then. I had a feeling she was being evasive, that she knows exactly what stage he is in but doesn’t want to tell me. Then I talked to my dad and he told me not to worry about him, and he doesn’t want me to feel afraid or worried or get the kids worried. I tried to sound upbeat but I guess he could hear the worry and fear in my voice. I don’t want to have my dad upset at my being upset but how can I act like nothing is wrong??? He’s my daddy.
I’m keeping your family in my prayers.
edited: it occurs to me that a reason why they start treatment immediately is that there’s no reason to wait. The sooner cancer is treated, the better — so treatment does begin as soon as possible.
Oh, Trula.
I think your dad has a good chance, attitude and all the support a loving family can give. Have confidence and use this as a reminder to never pass up a chance to tell someone you love him.
I pray that your dad has complete recovery. He sounds like what my dad is/was to me ‘A Mighty Tree’ Last time I saw my Dad in Dominica he hadn’t been well for a while and he looked weak and frail. For the first time in my Life he looked Old I can’t believe it My Dad, That Mighty Tree, looking Old and Frail. But to me also he will always be a Mighty Tree. I will Never stop being his Daughter and he will Never Stop being my Dad. Peace and Love to you and yours
I pray that your dad has complete recovery. He sounds like what my dad is/was to me ‘A Mighty Tree’ Last time I saw my Dad in Dominica he hadn’t been well for a while and he looked weak and frail. For the first time in my Life he looked Old I can’t believe it My Dad, That Mighty Tree, looking Old and Frail. But to me also he will always be a Mighty Tree. I will Never stop being his Daughter and he will Never Stop being my Dad. Peace and Love to you and yours
Thank you all so much. I will keep you updated on his progress.
Well we are finally going to see him this weekend, Father’s Day. It’s been almost 3 weeks since he was diagnosed, and he has had radiation and is on chemotherapy. The docs are treating it very aggresively, but reccomend surgery. My dad doesn’t want surgery, at all, he is adamant about it. It’s his choice. I feel conflicted about it, but it’s his choice. He’s been so tired, and sounded so worn out whenever I talked to him on the phone. This week they are starting him on another medication that is supposed to help with tiredness from chemo and radiation. I hope that helps. I wanted to go for the whole weekend, but my mom suggested that might be too much for him, to just come for Father’s Day.